Author Topic: Embarrassing Purchases  (Read 2983 times)

eldiem

  • Trusted
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3,709
  • Karma: +123/-29
  • It really is, you know
Embarrassing Purchases
« on: April 07, 2009, 09:01:59 PM »
So I was just chatting it up with hajen in IRC, and the following sounded like it would be perfect for you people.

[8:49pm] loris: i bought batteries for my smoke alarm and left 'em in the car
[8:49pm] loris: yes this morning at the grocery store pre-work, i bought tampons and batteries
[8:50pm] loris: annnnd all the self-checkout lines were closed.
[8:50pm] hajen: LOL
[8:50pm] hajen: that's like the time I went with my best friend to walmart at 10 PM and bought toy handcuffs and a cucumber
[8:51pm] hajen: ... we were setting up a prank, and wanted to make tabouli to eat...
[8:51pm] loris: haha
[8:52pm] loris: suuure
[8:52pm] hajen: the cashier gave us this really weird look and we were like wtf?
[8:52pm] hajen: ohhhhhhh
[8:52pm] hajen: snort
[8:52pm] loris: once i bought a pint of dove chocolate ice cream, a crossword puzlze book, and a multipack of AA batteries
[8:52pm] hajen: hahahaha
[8:52pm] hajen: all you needed to add there was cat food...
[8:52pm] loris: i was in a stupor and didn't even realize it
[8:52pm] loris: cat treats might've been included. god how funny would that be
[8:53pm] loris: ok who can freak out the cashier the most?
[8:53pm] hajen: \haha
[8:54pm] loris: i was once behind a couple who were being flirty and they bought condoms and some half-n-half
[8:54pm] hajen: hahaha

Soooo... Have any of y'all bought stuff you realized afterward looked, in combination, funny/strange/oddly sexual in nature?

feffer

  • Trusted
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,893
  • Karma: +125/-19
Re: Embarrassing Purchases
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2009, 11:22:44 PM »
One time when I was about 16 I bought a box of tampons, a box of pads, and some itch cream.  The checkout lady was like "Wow, this looks like fun."

My friend told me about a woman she rang up at the grocery store.  She purchased a box of laxatives and several chocolate bars.
Cause you're so beautiful
Like a tree
Or a high-class prostitute
You're so beautiful
Mmm, you could be a part-time model
But you'd probably have to keep your normal job

Dr. Leonard HmofCoy

  • I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer!
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 19,750
  • Karma: +205/-69
  • His BRAIN is gone
Re: Embarrassing Purchases
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2009, 12:18:11 AM »
I once found myself alone in Longs buying condoms and diapers. I brought them to the lone cashier, a guy about my age. He did a double-take, then said "Wait. NO!"

I think he'd kind of thought that if you bought the first, you wouldn't need to buy the second, ever.

Well, it was kind of funny at the time.
"Parasitic wasps laying eggs in other insects is a better love story than Twilight." - :bitzero:
"Anyhow, it was the best sentient food movie since Killer Tomatoes Eat France." - :flipper:
"lee marvin in drag is no way to spread the gospel, son." - TFJ
"It failed. My enemies have been purged." - Sidious
"It's not like there was ever a time I didn't think Rudy Giuliani was a smug gibbering imbecile." - random axe
"*drags taint* Oh cool, I didn't know you could do that." - mo.d

random axe

  • Concerned Netizen
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 34,946
  • Karma: +92/-20
  • Concern Intensifies
Re: Embarrassing Purchases
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2009, 12:52:53 PM »
Let me have one of those porno magazines, large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a couple of those panty shields, and some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas ... eh, make it two.


Honestly, I get somewhat embarrassed buying almost anything.  I've spent much of my life working in customer service, but I sort of hate dealing with cashiers.

The self-checkout lanes are great unless the machine seizes up and the attendant has to come help you like you're retarded.

Still, let me think . . . oh:

Many years ago, when I was visiting my brother at Northeastern, one of his coed dorm's toilets got horribly blocked up -- with things not meant to go in the toilet.  Cigarette butts and posters advertising a party, I think.  It was the Honors Program dorm, and so 80% of the occupants were female and too squeamish to deal with it.  Or too manipulative.  Anyway, he and I wound up magically being in charge of fixing it.

We went to a local supermarket where he proceeded to fill a basket with all manner of strange probably-should-not-be-mixed chemicals.  He also bought two pairs of heavy-duty chemical gloves, safety goggles, and 3M facemasks.  AND, to deliver his concoction from a 'safe distance', a turkey baster. 

And an armload of Hostess Fruit Pies, because he used to practically live on those things, vanilla ice cream, Captain Krunch, and Jolt.

The cashier did give us a funny look.

Honestly, I can't remember WTF happened with the toilet.  What I remember from the night that followed was trading scar stories with a hot girl who lived down the hall and that my brother got serious food poisoning from the Hostess Fruit Pies.

stormneedle

  • Trusted
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,780
  • Karma: +118/-42
  • Nonsense Stuffer
    • Your page here!
Re: Embarrassing Purchases
« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2009, 01:26:05 PM »
I dunno. If I get carrots and cucumbers, are they offset by the celery and radishes?

The potatoes we'll leave out of this for now...
I'm generalizing from one example here, but everyone generalizes from one example. At least, I do.

Hedaira

  • Trusted
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9,032
  • Karma: +72/-11
  • Tit Critic
Re: Embarrassing Purchases
« Reply #5 on: April 08, 2009, 01:28:52 PM »
The only embarrassing thing I've bought recently (well, November) was Fleet butt sauce that I had to use before surgery the next day.
"After walking away from the other people backstage, Justin Bieber found a place where we could be alone -- a bathroom. We went inside and immediately his personality changed drastically. He began touching me and repeatedly said he wanted to fuck the shit out of me."

mrcookieface

  • Trusted
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3,128
  • Karma: +91/-11
Re: Embarrassing Purchases
« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2009, 01:41:46 PM »
Fleet's never really embarrassed me.  It's the look of pity from the cashier that makes me focus on impending doom.

feffer

  • Trusted
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,893
  • Karma: +125/-19
Re: Embarrassing Purchases
« Reply #7 on: April 08, 2009, 02:36:45 PM »
I hate buying anything butt-related.  Fiber, laxatives, Immodium, those adult butt-wipes...
Cause you're so beautiful
Like a tree
Or a high-class prostitute
You're so beautiful
Mmm, you could be a part-time model
But you'd probably have to keep your normal job

stormneedle

  • Trusted
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,780
  • Karma: +118/-42
  • Nonsense Stuffer
    • Your page here!
Re: Embarrassing Purchases
« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2009, 04:12:09 PM »
The first ColonClean (or whatever it was for the colonoscopy) will be exciting, then. The pharmacist held it up to show the queue what I was getting while asking me if I had any questions, when I'd told the assistant I didn't have any.
I'm generalizing from one example here, but everyone generalizes from one example. At least, I do.

random axe

  • Concerned Netizen
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 34,946
  • Karma: +92/-20
  • Concern Intensifies
Re: Embarrassing Purchases
« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2009, 04:17:15 PM »
"Can I use that with any anus?"

Embarrass 'em right back.  That's what I say.

Hedaira

  • Trusted
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9,032
  • Karma: +72/-11
  • Tit Critic
Re: Embarrassing Purchases
« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2009, 08:00:05 PM »
"Can I use that with any anus?"

Embarrass 'em right back.  That's what I say.

 :rollin: :rollin: :rollin: Watch out though, someone in the crowd might volunteer.
"After walking away from the other people backstage, Justin Bieber found a place where we could be alone -- a bathroom. We went inside and immediately his personality changed drastically. He began touching me and repeatedly said he wanted to fuck the shit out of me."

random axe

  • Concerned Netizen
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 34,946
  • Karma: +92/-20
  • Concern Intensifies
Re: Embarrassing Purchases
« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2009, 08:51:08 PM »
I didn't say I was up for any old anus.

Wow, there's a sentence I haven't had to use before.  But, uh, not because I'm usually up for any old . . . well, you know what I mean.

If necessary, you could follow up with "I have two sick dogs, a sick elephant, and a constipated aardvark at home, and I don't want to make things any worse than they already are."